I rolled over in bed. No change. Not the slightest difference. It didn't matter how long I waited; I was never going to go to sleep. This huge belly I was carrying left me permanently uncomfortable. Oh well. The doctor said I was getting close; if all went as he anticipated, I'd have an early delivery, probably by the end of May.

It was March now, and an unexpected snowfall had trapped the timid indoors, myself included. I didn't care for driving. Even now, with all my extra weight, I preferred to walk wherever I needed to go. With the Valentine's Day rush over and the wedding season not yet started, I'd had fewer hours at the florist's shop, which in my books was just fine.

Once the baby was born I would be living on the outer edge of town with my sister, Emily. Emily had always been sweet to me, but more than ever in recent years. When Tony first appeared on the scene, she encouraged me; when he took me to prom, she did my hair; the night he proposed, she was waiting behind the front door to scream with delight when I came home wearing the ring. Now, she and her husband Harold were still there for me to rely on. Funny, isn't it, how sometimes the younger carries the older? But that was how it had happened.

I exhaled, a long, thoughtful breath, and settled deeper into my layers of blankets. Outside my window, I could see the snow falling again.

* * * * * * *

I sat, fidgeting, on the third stair from the bottom. Maybe I shouldn't have worn a skirt. Would jeans have been better? Not shorts. It was hot, but shorts, on a second date? Never.

I hoped my hair wasn't going to fall out, at least not too quickly. It might be cute to have a some curls showing after a few of those carnival rides. Please, please, please don't let me get sick, I prayed.

Through the sheer curtains, I saw him. "Tony's here!" I called up the stairs to my parents. I was at the door almost before Tony had a chance to knock.

"Hey you."

"Hi," I said, nervous. Agh! You're not supposed to act nervous, even if you are!

"Ready to go?" he asked, smiling at me with those to-die-for eyes.

"Sure," I smiled back. And off we went, both grinning from ear to ear.

Tony's car was quite possibly my favorite place. I didn't know a thing about years or models, but it was an old convertible with brown leather seats that were cracking around the edges. The wind tickled my face. I hadn't stopped smiling; I looked over at Tony and saw that he hadn't, either. I can't remember for the life of me what we talked about, but I'd never laughed as often or as gladly as I was with him next to me.

The sky above the fairground was darkening. "It's almost ten," Tony said, glancing at his watch. "Do you want to go on one more before the fireworks start?"

"Okay... which one?"

"Well, not the ferris wheel, right?" I had warned Tony about my fear of heights. "What about that one?"

"Maybe the ferris wheel wouldn't be so bad," I said.

"As you wish," he grinned, and he took my hand as we ran towards the entrance gate. Any nervousness I'd felt before was nothing to this. It felt like a thousand butterflies had just exploded in my stomach. But at the same time, I thought I was flying. I gripped his fingers tighter.

"Two, please," he panted, and we climbed into the seat together.

Securely barred into place, we swung forward and up as the wheel began to spin. I screamed a little, and grabbed the seat with my left hand; Tony still had my right. "I'm okay," I assured him, and we looked down at the world together.

In the dusk, the midway looked like a fairyland, with yellow and green and pink lights beneath us and the white stars just beginning to shine up above. I turned to smile at him again, a little shyly, and found him already looking at me. The wheel had spun full circle, maybe more than once; we were going up again. I wanted to say something, but couldn't think what. Tony reached up and touched the side of my face, where my hair had escaped and was falling in rings. I couldn't remember how to breathe. Then his face was close, very close, too close, and I shut my eyes and felt his lips touch mine for the first time, just for a second. I blinked, and saw him gazing back at me. When his eyes closed again, so did mine, and as we kissed I heard the bang of the first fireworks appearing over our heads.

* * * * * * * *

Ughh. What day was it? Thursday? Did I work on Thursdays? It was too confusing, being out of school, thrust into the unfamiliar world of schedules and shifts. A florist's shop in town had hired me, just for part time work. So far, it was wonderful. But today, I could hardly bear to sit up in bed. I lay flat on my stomach, eyes closed, hoping I would go back to sleep soon. Maybe tomorrow I'd think about getting up....

Someone thumped on my door. My room was getting dark; it had been at least a few hours since I fell asleep. The thump came again. "Mmm?" I groaned.

"It's Tony, can he come in?" Emily asked.

"Mmm."

My door opened. I must look a sight, I thought. Wonderful. Tony sat down on the bed next to me and started rubbing my back in a slow circle. Neither of us spoke; I settled myself again, shut my eyes, and breathed deep.

* * * * * * * *
I sat down on the couch with a thump. Would this horrible business of moving never end? My whole house was full of boxes. Boxes, boxes, boxes. Before long, even the boxes would be gone, and Emily and Harold would be repainting the walls in neutrals, and nothing would be left to say that this was the house where I had lived except the trees. Tony's trees. I smiled a little. What was it he had said? In two hundred years, maybe there wouldn't be a town here anymore. Maybe there would be nothing but forest for miles around, and the trees we had planted would be the biggest of them all.

Emily appeared in the doorway. "We're ready to load up anytime you are," she said, wiping her hands. I had spent more time than I cared to admit sitting and supervising the packing, rather than actually doing it myself, but with the weeks creeping by, I wasn't supposed to overexert myself. After all the yard sales we'd put on, there wasn't that much left, anyway. In my new home, I wouldn't need much.

"All right," I sighed, getting to my feet with some difficulty. "Lead the way." But in the end, it was Emily and Harold who did the loading. I wandered to and fro, checking the corners, locking the windows, crying over the emptiness of it all. Renewed, the sharpness of goodbye throbbed in my throat, clawing its way out until I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer, and Emily ran into the old guest bedroom to find me sitting on the floor in a heap, my eyes red.

* * * * * * * *

The appointed Saturday had arrived. Together with Emily and my other two bridesmaids, I was going dress shopping. Wedding dress shopping. For my wedding. It wasn't quite real yet. We walked down the shady side of the street, swinging our purses and talking about necklines and train lengths and types of veils. The ring on my left hand, no longer unfamiliar, glittered in the sun. Our wedding would be at the end of summer. So soon.

Most of the dresses couldn't have been more wrong. It took several tryons before any of them really caught my eye. Still, there was something missing. I was ready to give up. Maybe I should lose five pounds, then come back. I turned from the mirror, dissatisfied, and saw Emily holding up yet another dress. "Please?" she said.

"Fine," I conceded. "Can you unzip me?" And I shut myself in the fitting room yet again. At least this dress was comfortable. It was strapless, sleek, and elegant. I opened the door to look in the full length mirror, and gasped at my own reflection.

* * * * * * * *

The music began, and at our cue, Dad and I stepped out into view. I don't know who was there, and who wasn't able to come, and who had a new outfit for the occasion. My eyes were on one thing, and that was Tony, standing at the front of the church, waiting for me. His gaze never left mine as I made my way forward. At his side, I stopped, and we faced the minister together.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

* * * * * * * *

"Let's go out," Tony said abruptly.

"OK, where?" I asked.

"How would you feel about dancing?"

"Dancing? I'm not all that graceful, you know."

"No one else has to see."

So we got in the car and Tony started driving. It must have taken more than half an hour, but the night was warm, so we put the top down and the radio on, and I could have gone for hours just sitting next to him. Finally, he pulled off of the road and stopped on a long grassy strip by the side of a lake.

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere I used to come when I was a kid. It hasn't changed."

It was ridiculously late. The moon was up; the water was black beneath the sky; there was no noise and no traffic. We walked down to the water's edge, and Tony slowly slid his hand onto my back. I put my right hand in his left, my left hand on his shoulder, and rested my face against his. Together, we turned slowly in the grass. Then Tony started to laugh.

"You felt it too?" I said, and laughed along with him. Our baby was kicking me for the first time. Tony pulled me closer, and we danced beneath the light of the moon that was so bright it seemed to light up every corner of our happiness.

* * * * * * * *

The hospital was quiet, except for a few nurses hurrying through the corridors. "What are you going to name her?" Emily asked. From his seat in the corner, Harold looked up.

"Marie."

* * * * * * * *

"Hey Matt! How are you?"

"Not too bad... only a few places to go today," he smiled. "And how are you?"

"Tired," I admitted. "Marie's been sick the last couple of days, so... I've had a long night or two."

"Do you think Emily would be able to handle her for a few more hours?"

I blinked.

"Because I know you like Greek, and I've been thinking about trying that new place downtown?"

This time, I didn't even blink. I just stood there like a dimwit.

"So, may I take you to dinner?"

"Umm."

"I promise, I won't keep you out late," he said, grinning.

"Okay," I said. I was blushing like a middle schooler getting asked out for the first time. What was wrong with me? "What time were you thinking?"

"Can I pick you up at six?"

"All right."

"Okay then. I'll see you at six."

Matt left, loaded down with a huge box full of flowers. I stood frozen to my spot.

* * * * * * * *

When I got home, Marie was out of bed, curled up in front of the TV with her blankets. "Hey sweetie," I said. There was no getting out of it. "You know Matt, from the store?" Marie had spent enough time at work with me to know a few familiar faces.

"Yeah?"

"He asked me to have dinner with him tonight. So I might not be home until after you go to bed."

"Matt's taking you on a date?"

"I guess he is."

"Wow,"  Marie said. She was young enough that dating impressed her.

Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief. If Marie approved, I should be all right.

* * * * * * * * *

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Dr. Berkeley's office called. They want to talk to you about your test results from the clinic last week."

Tony didn't say anything.

"What is it?"

Still silent, he came to me and put his hands on my shoulders. Then without warning, he kissed me, hard, with so much passion it was almost angry, but almost sad. It lasted too long; I was gasping for breath, and then his mouth was back on mine.

"What's wrong?"

He kissed me again, more slowly.

"I'm terrified," he said.

We were both crying now, and I couldn't hold him tight enough.

* * * * * * * *

I knocked on the bathroom door. "Em? Em honey? Are you OK?"

"Come in," Emily said. She sounded shaky. The door wasn't locked. She was crying, hard, but smiling too.

"What's going on?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her.

"I'm pregnant. At last. I'm pregnant."

Harry came down the hall, his pace quickening to a run at the sound of Emily's voice. Their eyes met, and in a moment he was crying too; then he lifted her in his arms and kissed her. Hearing the commotion, Marie came into the bathroom. There was barely room to stand. I hugged her close, and for the longest time, no one spoke.

For some joys, words are too small.

* * * * * * * *

I woke up slowly, not quite able to place what it was that felt wrong. He wasn't there.  I rolled over to check, but I could tell from the silence that I was alone in the room. "Tony?" I called.

The bathroom light was on. He came out looking drained. "It's the medication," he said, and stumbled back to bed.

I had been reading to him on the long nights when he couldn't sleep. Now, I picked up the book; after only a page or two he had drifted off, and I was glad. He needed the rest.

* * * * * * * *

The house was quiet. "Marie?" I called. "Are you up here?" I opened the door to the baby's room, and there she was, standing by the crib.

"Shh," she whispered. "He's sleeping." I looked down at Mark's bundled shape.

"Look at him," I said. "He's grown so much."

Marie smiled. "I wish I could remember what it was like to be so little."

"Oh well," I said. "No one can. But think. Before you know it, he'll be as tall as you. Or taller."

"But never older."

"Of course not," I laughed.

* * * * * * * * *

The evening breeze was chilly on my arms. I shivered. "Want my coat?" Matt asked.

"You need it!" I protested, although he knew I loved the offer.

"OK," he said, "We can share." He pulled his left arm out of the coat and offered the empty side to me. I put my left arm through the sleeve and my right arm around him.

"Much better," I declared, and we walked along like that for a minute or two until I put my hand in the pocket.

"What's this?"

I pulled out a small black box. Cloth covered. With a hinge. I turned and looked at him, wide eyed, not knowing what to say.

"Well, since you've found it, you'd better open it," he said, smiling. I pushed the lid open with my thumb as he kissed my cheek.

"Will you... please... marry me?"

* * * * * * * * *

Mark was stumbling along, sometimes on his hands and knees, sometimes on his feet, dauntless as ever. "You goose," Emily told him. "You funny, silly goose." He stared up at her innocently, swayed, and landed with a thump on his backside.

I couldn't help but giggle. "He's going to be a politician. I just know it. Look how seriously he takes himself."

"No, I think he'll be a lawyer," Harry said.

"Maybe he'll star in a soap opera," Emily suggested. "Anyways, the rice is done. Where's Marie? We can eat."

"I'll find her," I said. Just then, someone knocked at the door. Harry opened it, and we all stiffened. Past the pale, shaking stranger, I saw Marie lying on the road, her bike next to her.

"I-- I'm so sorry-- this is her house, right? I didn't see her in time-- she's breathing, but we need an ambulance--"

"Call 911," Harry said quietly. Emily grabbed the phone and started dialing; my eyes were fixed on Marie.

I pushed my way out the door and ran to her. There was blood from the cut on her forehead, but I didn't see any other wounds. When she tried to turn to me, she gasped in pain. "Don't move," I ordered her. "The ambulance will be here soon to take care of you."

"Do you think," she said, sounding wheezy, "do you think I broke a bone?"

"I don't know, honey. The doctor will be able to tell. You'll be fine." I did my best to smile for her. "Don't worry, I'll keep you company."

* * * * * * * *

"Ma'am?" the doctor said politely. "I'm Dr. Stevens. I've been seeing to your daughter?"

I'd been standing in the ER for what felt like hours. "How bad is she?"

"She's been better. We've done as much as we can to patch her up, but there's been a lot of damage done. For now, we need to wait and see how she responds."

"Thank you."

"Absolutely. I'd suggest you take the chance to get some sleep. It's close to midnight."

So it really had been hours. I nodded, and sank into a chair. Dr. Stevens left, and I was alone again. Emily and Harry had taken Mark home some time before. I had told them to. The exhaustion hit me, and I dropped into a sound sleep.

* * * * * * * * *

"You know, I think this is the part of being pregnant that everyone talks about?"

"Which part is that?"

"The part where you actually feel good," I said, grinning.

"Well, there you go," he said, a little slurred. His painkillers must be working. I held his hand, carefully, so as not to disturb the IV.

"Do you want me to keep reading?" I asked.

"Always," he said. I smiled, but blinked back tears at the same time, and flipped our book open. It was almost done.

* * * * * * * * *

A rush of footsteps and voices woke me with a start. There was an alarm coming from somewhere. No, it was from Marie's room, and that's where they were all going. I jumped up and pressed my face against Marie's window, trying to see through the cluster of nurses. The glass was wet, and I realized I was crying. As I watched, Dr. Stevens stepped away from the bed and looked up at the clock.

"Time of death, 3:21."

I couldn't stand to look any longer. I ran, faster than I had run in years, down the long white corridor, through the crowd at the admittance desk, out the glass doors, halfway across the parking lot, before I stopped, gasping for air. My sides hurt. I stood there, surrounded by cars. There was rain falling; my shirt was already wet through.

I clutched my hair in my hands, shut my eyes, and screamed.

* * * * * * * * *

Matt arrived at the airport late in the afternoon. As soon as he spotted us waiting, he ran, suitcases and all, across the terminal. My eyes filled with tears again at the sight of him; they splashed onto his coat and his hand that stroked my cheek. I rested my face against his chest for the longest time, eyes shut, feeling his breathing and mine together. Then, slowly, we walked out to where the clouds were beginning to break. The rain had stopped.